hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm both gender and math confused
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
