the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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