After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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