you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
