I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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