I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
