her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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