When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
