Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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