happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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