you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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