yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
