Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
