I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize