Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
there was a trapeze. enough said
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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