My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
