she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
