she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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