we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
