sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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