He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
