remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
