needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
