she looked like the bat from fern gully.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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