U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
