i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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