Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
