after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize