I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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