my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
