too bad you live with your parents still
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
