I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Randomize
