Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
