I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
