You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
