I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
