the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
