Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
