five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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