if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
