After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You left your phone here
Wait...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
