I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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