What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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