I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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