just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
