i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Even my vagina gasped.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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