I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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