R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
