last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
