Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
