I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
im holly from the hills drunk
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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