I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize