You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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