look no pants
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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