i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
