Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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