I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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