I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
