There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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