I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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