so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
