playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
