Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
