Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize