I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
