I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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