I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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