how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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