As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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