the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
