I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
