the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize