When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
