I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
