Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
