Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
