Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize