why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
