Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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