Moan for me like Helen Keller
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
