he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
