I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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