dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i think i have herpe
just one?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
