I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
