Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
