its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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