They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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