If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
The air taste purple.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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