Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
