apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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