i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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