i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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