There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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