There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
