im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
40s are totally the cure
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
