he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
