I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He better not be in your backpack
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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