part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
