He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
