I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
