I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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