I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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