Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
