Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
