Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
