There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize