Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
