If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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