69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
